Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
