We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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