the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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