well I can't set my house on fire every night
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
