That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My cat gives me a boner
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
