So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
