With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize