if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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