Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
