idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
