the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
