well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
