brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do you still have your period?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
