I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
