he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
