his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
