The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
