I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
