last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
