Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
