How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Hippo gnu deer
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
