omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
