i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
