I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize