In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
