This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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