Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
