My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
