I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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