just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize