I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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