he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
