I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
