Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
