dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
