He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Everclear isn't food dammit
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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