3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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