It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
