Please, let me fuck your mom
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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