Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize