Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
