I hope mine doesn't look like that
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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