I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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