i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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