Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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