I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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