Can Purell be used as lube?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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