If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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