You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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