How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
