He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
