All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
