I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
