i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize