i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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