Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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