i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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