you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize