so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
