Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
