maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize