Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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