I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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