So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
