I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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