You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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