and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
