I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
