Jerry, you need to find god
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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