she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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