I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
