I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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