Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
