Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize