Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
