I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
