Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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