I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
