Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
