I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
