dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My legs feel like baby dolphins
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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