**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
