So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
