A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
