Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
