dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
