Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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