you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
