Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
