You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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