Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
