I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
