I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
