Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
