I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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