Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
