my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
