i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
