Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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