Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
